If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
