i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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