Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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