wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize