I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't deserve a penis
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
