Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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