He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
