you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
