u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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