Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
