She is in my trunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
