You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
