I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
