I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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