She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize