I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
