I hate all girls vehemently.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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