Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
