well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
