obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
