I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
