just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
