so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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