Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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