No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
