Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
