What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just high enough for therapy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
