Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
