no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
