i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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