you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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