Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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