i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
