When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
