STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
