She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
