he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
worst night to have a conscience
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
