u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
