Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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