Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
