I look better un-naked...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
