Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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