Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
