But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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