i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
