I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
