Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
