We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
