final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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