Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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