then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
