A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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