He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
