He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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