hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
