"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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