i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
