mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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