I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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