My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
