eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
