Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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