Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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