I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
