i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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