i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
