woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
