Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize