I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
