"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize