I want to make a zoo with you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
