Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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