I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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