If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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