in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
