you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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