I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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