just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
