so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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